A Burden

Dear Reader,

Its funny that I call myself selfish yet hate being a burden or unconvincing people. There is nothing I hate more than being a burden. " Maybe I am only talking about myself", " Maybe they don't care and I am boring them"- such thoughts pass through my mind on a daily basis. 

When my emotions get too overwhelming I hide in my shelter, make excuses and try to make myself feel better. Being an adult means knowing when to walk away from being an adult, yet I feel an intense pressure of my absence being a nuisance or an annoyance to others, when my presence is needed in a group presentation or any such project. So I try to pick up whatever is left of me and hand out a unlimited edition diamond platter to whoever passes by in exchange for love, importance and validation. 

Doing the most basic things is difficult for me. Fuck it, I do not have the slightest idea what it means to live a good life. I can barely eat properly which is the most simplest and basic things of all, yet everyone else seems to be at ease. 

Which is why lately, I am doing my best to convince my mind to be selfish and put myself first despite all the small hurdles thrown my way.