Sometimes words heal, sometimes they hurt. The worst thing that hurts is when the person you think you are close to doesn't feel the same about you. So, I think it's better to know the priority list and boundaries of another person. Many times, in life I have regretted not saying things but other times I'm glad I did not do so because the pain of regretting later is greater than the relief of now.
I think I want to write a play on domestic violence and have a concert, become the president of the singing club and hold shows.
The play in which I took part in is something that I wanted to do but at the same time I feel so much shame about not doing it perfectly. I don't even know what perfect is anymore, instead of being a memory where I showed confidence, it's become a memory of shame, guilt and cringe, like “oh I shouldn't have done that, why did I bother doing such a thing".
Accomplishing all of the above requires so much energy and courage that right now I don't have to give, which is why I'll feel sad whenever my friends are jealous or envious of me. Because you want your friends to support you and know how much hard work you have put into it.
You wish for them to support you and be proud of you. Alas, I can't expect people to react the way I want them to.
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