Anger pt2

Dear Reader,

Isn’t it wonderful to ruin your mental health for the sake of others? When their opinion matters more than your own.  

When I have so much to say so I swallow my rage along with my words, hoping my silence will speak louder. I long for someone to yearn with the same passion as I do, to look at me with so much love, innocence and sweetness. Maybe those stories where the moral was that love truly does win all are right. Someone to love even the most flawed and raw parts like they’re the most beautiful.  

In a world where happiness is so rare, yet I still end up comparing it with others as if there is a limited supply of it and only those who grab and snatch it can enjoy for only a limited time. I binged ate today as if swallowing huge chunks of chocolate and food would push down the anger I felt in my heart, fill the void inside and if I was full maybe then everything would be alright. I would eat so many chocolates and sweets and cakes maybe to balance the bitterness on the outside until I felt disgusted by the sweetness of it all which makes me loathe myself every time I look in the mirror. I am more than the fat inside my skin, at least I hope so. It's like pretty people get a free pass to be boring and have a mundane personality, but we must bring more to the table in order to prove we deserve to be someone’s friend or partner.  

I wanted to run to those people screaming “what did I ever do to you” “I too am just trying to live and understand life as much as you”. For an entire species to be called humanity and yet that is precisely what we lack. I lied; I am not over it. I will remember this anger and won’t let it happen again either to me or others.  

I could be poetic if I tried but that’s the thing about emotions; its not aesthetic, its ugly, dirty and uncomfortable.