Oh! regret my old friend

Dear Reader,

Regret is always at my doorstep. 

whether I go to the land or the sea

there is always regret waiting for me.

sometimes with a smile or a tear 

whichever decision I make

I end up with what ifs, what nots 

ahh I shouldn't wouldn't have 

I could have done it better 

I should have known earlier 

that even a pebble can create a huge wave in the water 

regret seems to be a part of my daily life. some regrets are small while others cost me an alternate life where maybe I would be a little happier and contentful

Sometimes I do not want to think at all, while other times I rethink every major and minor decision. Shame, guilt and regret are three siblings, they come and go hand in hand . I wish I had learnt my lesson. I am selfish, there was a time when I was jealous of those who used to be selfish. At least I am thinking about myself, as I should be, because when I wasted around my energy it broke my spirit. Why is it okay for you not to return the same amount of love that I give out. How is that selfish, isn't that reasonable? 

I too want to be content, but it seems something is always missing in my life. People disappoint me nowadays and the room is too suffocating at times, or filled with their negativity or toxic bullshit!!!!!!!!!! 

When did I start hating on other human beings? but why did they always give me reasons to do so. Humans are weird creatures. 

Now and then a wish of mine is to spend time with people that I like and I wish that the person that I like would ask me the question "Are you okay?", to which I would answer sincerely. They would then realise what a different person I am. People walk around thinking, judging and evaluating each other out of arrogance when all they need to do is spend time with the other person. 

There is too many "I"s in my sentences. I guess I am a narcissist.